Tuesday, August 21, 2007

One of the Things You Should NEVER be late on...

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me a break.

Forever Grateful,


I went to the OB/Gyn after work today for my quarterly injection of Depo-Provera. For those of you who do not know what that is, in layman's terms, are basically are birth control hormones in a syringe that is stuck in your butt (with a big fat needle) four times a year; an alternative to taking "the pills" every night every single day of the year.

I knew I was late as in "near the end of the window" (a time period in which I have to get a shot before the effectiveness of the hormones expire) and so I rushed to the doctors after work to get this shot. (I hate shots but not so much as I hate swallowing a tiny little pill every night. Ugh. It is so hard for me to take my daily vitamins as it is. Calcium and multi-vitamins. Ugh, gag to the nth degree.)

After the nursing assistant hurriedly gave me my shot (bless her heart, she switched out the 3 inch long needle foro a smaller, finer needle) while a student nurse-in-training watched on (with my consent), I walked out to the appointment desk.

"Just curious, when was my last shot?" May 10th (shortly after commencement). Uh-huh...I did a quick calculation using the calendar posted on the counter. Uh...well over the 12 weeks that supposedly is the magic numbers for the potency of the shot. But there is a window, isn't there?

I asked the appointment scheduler to please check with the assistant about the date of my window, meanwhile saying poop, poop, poop (in more vulgar terms) in my head.

They checked the date. The last date I needed to get that shot was August 9th.


So I found myself pissing in a small plastic container for a urinal pregnancy test. You see, they should always check the dates before they administer the next shot but it is not their fault I was such a space cadet. We've been so busy and occupied lately, I thought I had until the 24th to get my next dose--but I couldn't swear by it and that's why I doubted the assistant in giving me that third shot of the year.

So there I was, sitting in the "skylight room" waiting for the results of my own and husband's future. Please God, forgive my stupidity and grant me this one get out of jail card. We are not ready for a child. Not now ... and maybe not every if that is okay with you. You understand, don't you?

Finally the nurse stepped in, Rosa (bless her heart), who I've known for a long time. She was very sweet about not giving me a hard time but was there to explain the ramification of the positive (negative to me) results. She assured me that the chances are highly unlikely.

To my relief, the results were negative. I can't tell you how long it took me to calm my racing heart. I was dizzy with the possibility that we may have conceived--because of my stupidity and airheadedness.

Lesson learned. I have been bestowed with the get-out-of-jail card and I will never, EVER forget a date such as important as my next Depo-Shot.


Anonymous said...


You cant create posts like this Daly. I almost "pooped" my pants. lol. Geez.

That part where you say, "...was there to explain the ramification of the positive (negative to me) results..." I thought that meant you were! Holy cow dung.

By the way, .... I miss you. And I REFUSE to wait until October to see you. Boo.


Hello Daly said...

No kidding. It was a scary experience and I've taken birth control more seriously.

It's been two years since I've been on the shot and need to switch to pills (which I absolutely hate). I've heard it's not good to be on the shot for longer than two years because one of the side effects is it depletes the calcium in your bones and I'm horrible with taking calcium or daily vitamins daily.

I told my husband either he's getting sterilized or I'm getting snipped because I do not want this routine for much longer so who knows. Next year, or two...or three years later, positive tests may be good news but right now is NOT the time. We're just too on-the-go and having a child would just get in the way.