Sunday, April 02, 2006

A History: Inside Out

I had a wake-up call. No, it wasn't an accident, or life-altering news. I turned 29 years old. While that may be relatively young, it was a wake-up call for me. Perhaps because I am getting married soon and just want to look good--now...and (hopefully) forever.

I once was at my heaviest weight of 163 lbs. and since then I've lost thirty pounds...and on my 5'6" medium frame, 123 lbs. is not bad though my sister thought I looked anorexic. While 30 lbs. in reduction may not qualify me for the biggest weight loss success story, it was a big deal and achievement to me.

I've managed to keep that weight off for a couple years...until I starting working full-time and now my full-time class schedule is starting to get to me. Emotionally and physically. I now weigh in at the mid-130s.

I thought I would never have to diet again. After all, my weight loss was the result of a lifestyle change and not because of any "diet". Diets have never worked for me and believe me, I have tried almost EVERY diet there was and none have helped me to lose more than 2 lbs. I've always gained more weight than I lost. I learned to think differently about food--that was all it took. Exercising had less to do with my success as the scale tipped in my favor.

But now I'm happy, things are going great, life is good, and even though we're in the fourth month of the year already, I still feel like I'm recovering from the holiday, and yes--I haven't stopped all the guilt-free indulging. The only bad news is all that relaxing cost me ten lbs and I started dieting again since the end of January.

This time, I do not have the luxury of "changing my lifestyle" to gradually losing my blubber. I only have several weeks until I have to look--not my best but in good shape. I don't believe in looking "your best" on your wedding day only to go downhill thereafter. I think you should be at your best every day (mentally and physically) until you can't literally take care of yourself anymore.'s April and I only have several weeks to try and look good for my wedding. Up 'til now, I've tried the low-glycemic diet (gained weight), Atkins (lost weight but yo-yo-ing), Body-for-Life (no results), and anything-I-damn-well-please-to-eat diet (gaining weight). Now I have nowhere else to go. I am confused and so is my body with all this yo-yo weight gain, weight loss in the past several weeks.

SIGH. I better go to bed before I find something to eat or drink myself to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

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